My colleague Fernando Velez and I created an online “train” -ing course that teaches people to support survivors of sexual maltreatment.
As a survivor, advocate, speaker, and educator, I often use the term “sexual maltreatment.” I do this because I believe that there is an imaginary spectrum in your mind. On one end you have the word “harassment” and on the other end you have the word “slavery.” In between are a whole bunch of scary words that you may not know how to deal with, although you probably recognize their gravity.
So, when someone shares a direct or indirect experience with you, you consciously or subconsciously try to place it in the appropriate spot on that spectrum.
Your natural human tendency will be to categorize the incident.
We categorize everything and that isn’t a bad thing. One of the things that makes that categorization process feel safe for you is that you envision little action step boxes above the spectrum. There’s a little action — step flow chart hanging above the scary words that makes you feel like there are solutions to these problems. You hope that if you can categorize the scary event under the correct scary word, then there will be an appropriate and verified course of action to take to fix the scary problem.
Upon reflection you may realize the spectrum is subjective and the flow-chart is flawed. This creates a variety of sub-problems within the overall problem of sexual maltreatment. There are many advocates for survivors, lawmakers, and politicians who are working to clarify that spectrum and re-structure that flowchart. The average person is not a part of that process.
While they are sorting that out, what can those of us who are not direct responders, wellness professionals and legal representatives do?
Many of us take to social media to share direct or indirect experiences with our personal community and leave it at that. There are other ways to address the incidents we encounter.
We can normalize the ability to respond supportively to a survivor.
As a first step, when referring to the overall problem we are addressing, I use the term “sexual maltreatment.” Not because I see all experiences as the same or because I want to minimize individual experiences, but because I realize defining the experience only matters as much as the survivor says it does and I want to pivot the conversation AWAY from categorization as soon as possible.
I see the opportunity to practice RESPONSE as a unique skill, with specific goals that are separate from identification of maltreatment or prevention or maltreatment. I believe that a necessary prerequisite for preventing abuse is normalizing the ability to respond to it.
Let’s skip right past our human tendency to try to define other people’s experiences based on our own understanding and get straight to support.
I started using this term in late 2018. It was the result of months of beta testing the live and online training programs I wrote in collaboration with the original musical I produced.
You can support survivors by “Isabel Certified.” This means being prepared to talk to a survivor, such as the fictional survivor Isabel.
One of the benefits to using the “sexual maltreatment” term has been that it keeps my listeners engaged with my response-focused message. It empowers them by focusing their energy on what they can do: respond supportively. The umbrella term minimizes emotional risk. If the listener leans in and asks why I used the term, I share that my programs focus on response techniques and that specific categorization isn’t required to respond supportively.
However, I never use the term “sexual maltreatment” reactively. This is not a correction tool.
I only ever use the term proactively. This means that if someone else uses a more specific word, I do not correct them or ask them to change their verbiage. That would be reductive. But if I am the one bringing the subject up, I usually use the umbrella term of sexual maltreatment instead of one of the more specific alternatives.
The risks of using the term are that it white — washes individual experiences and lowers the sense of urgency surrounding the problem. So, be careful to only use it in introductory settings, general discussion settings, or other settings where it is helpful and not harmful. Above all, do not use this term if the survivor(s) you intend to support do not like it. Only take what serves you and what serves them.
Personally, I like using sexual maltreatment for another reason. As someone with C-PTSD from my own survivorship story, it is so much less triggering for me to say maltreatment than any of the more specific terms.
Are there times where I use those specific words? Absolutely. But sexual maltreatment is one of many verbiage tools that I use to minimize my own emotional risk as well as help others engage.
Anna Westbrook
AnnaWestbrook.com
IsabelandtheRunawayTrain.org
I created a creative arts integrated online training program that empowers people to support survivors of sexual maltreatment. Because it is hard. But it can be done. Normalizing the ability to support survivors is a feasible social goal. It can start with simple verbiage changes.